Another Hair Cut

Well tonight was a rough one for us. I came home from work and Haven was cuddled up with her dad. She came over to give me a hug and her mouth has white blisters all over her lips. The top lip is almost bleeding with the blisters and the bottom lip is completely blistered on the left side. This is a side effect of the chemo. I was just heartbroken. I couldn't believe it.

Grandma Virginia bought her some lip gloss while she was out here and Haven had almost used all of it keeping her lips moist. The doctors said we have to keep her from picking it or the blisters will get worse. They said to keep chapstick on them at all times.

Then she told me she was very itchy and her hair was itchy. Last time she said that we lost quite a bit of hair in the car. So I told her a nice warm shower would make her feel great. So we got in the shower and I was washing her hair and clumps of hair was coming out in my hands. UUUGGGG....This is so hard. I didn't let her see any of it.

I got her out of the shower and convinced her that it's so hot outside and that we should cut her hair to make her feel better. I probably cut off another 4 or 5 inches. When she turned around and saw all of it on the floor she looked at me with the saddest face and started to tear up. Causing me to start crying. She just held on to me so tight. She didn't want dad to see her hair. I kept telling her how beautiful she is and how her Grandma's are going to like it. That Grandma Virginia would probably think it looks like her hair. That made her happy. She asked if her nurses would like it. I told her they are absolutely going to love it.

She kept holding on to me making me cry worse. She was hiding her face in my shoulder and didn't want dad to see her. I finally convinced her to get on the couch and let me take a picture for her family to see. Then I told her we'd have something creamy and spoony (this means jello with whip cream). She was happier after that.

We ate our jello snuggled up together and then we took ALL of the meds. She went to sleep feeling much better and watching Alladin.

I don't know what to do over the next couple of weeks as it keeps falling out and her side effects get worse. I just love that baby girl. I hate that she's going through all this pain. I wish I could take it for her.