Memory Lane

I've been having a few issues lately - feeling like we've missed a few years of our baby girl's life. She's been stuck in hospitals for more than half her life. Today I started working on a memory book for her and going through the photos was hard. Everything was so normal.....at least for the first 2 years of almost 6 now.

Haven as a newborn. Every time her daddy changed her he would massage her legs. She loved it. She would stretch them out and point the toes up! She was so long and skinny....I kept wondering when she would have Michelin legs.

Her 1 year photos. I took her to Baby's R Us to get some stuff for her birthday and made an impromptu decision to spend too much money on photos. We bought the outfit right there and changed. Plop.....she was all smiles for the photos. She loved having her picture taken.

Age 2. Haven was so active. She'd run around like a crazy girl, dressing up and acting wild. Climbing the furniture and jumping on the couches. She rode this scooter around like crazy. This was a birthday present for her 2nd birthday. She immediately when out and rode around on it.

But that 2nd year turned horrible in July. This is Haven's 3rd birthday party. She had gained so much weight, became very reclusive and extra shy. She didn't know how to be around other children. She didn't want to play and became extremely OCD about everything. We started hospital visits over 6 months ago and at this point she was having lots of stomach pains and bleeding. This was the beginning of the sleep walking.

Age 4. Just a few weeks before this photo we had learned that she has cancer. She was scheduled for surgery immediately following her birthday. This was a very high stress time in our family. I cried when I cut Haven's hair - but I still have it saved. She had such beautiful blonde straight hair. Never did I know there was a tumor hidden in her abdomen and an extremely rare syndrome causing all of her issues.

Age 5. This was this year. She had just gotten off steroids she had been on for a year, cyclosporin, and had done 5 rounds of Rituxan. She was preparing for the most challenging year so far.

As age 6 approaches I can only wonder what is in store for our little baby.